What messages do we leave for our children?

When I read Elena’s blog on” Hair today, gone tomorrow”, I felt so proud of her- my daughter, but then I started to reflect on why Elena needed to express her beauty through her hair, even when the hair was “borrowed” from someone else’s head. As her mother I taught her to be obsessed with her hair and I also taught my younger daughter, Allyson, to be the same. I did not intentionally plan to teach them this obsession, but I did. Just recently Allyson wrote a note to our hair dresser saying… “You are like part of our family”. I have grown to love my hair dresser and she is a dear friend, but our friendship formed from my weekly visits to her salon. I was there once a week and my children – from babes- were there at least every other week. Allyson saw the hair dresser more often than her own relatives. We were a family obsessed with hair.

My childhood messages instilled in me that I was not going to be relegated to few bad hair days, but a bad hair life. Being the youngest of child of six, I was blessed to have preceding me three very beautiful sisters. My sisters were pleasing to look at, by not just our family, but friends and even strangers would constantly compliment on their beauty. The appreciation for their beauty always seemed to be expressed by commenting on the long and flowing crown of glory that they were so blessed with. How many times did I hear not just how exotic they were with their flowing locks, but usually “the” other comment was said or implied…”and just where did Pamela get her hair?” My hair was and is “excessively curly” - although that was not the term used in those days. How many Sunday evenings did I have to spend indoors with my mother, bless her soul, as she tried to get my hair to look like the rest of the family? That kit –she would find in some drug store- with that awful smelly substance that dreaded pink comb and instructions to avoid any contact with hands eyes or any part of your body that needed protection. My mother knew nothing of straightening hair with an iron. I had to be subjected to these drug store chemicals that permanently changed my “excessively curly hair” to something straighter, with hopes that the outcome would yield results with hair more like my siblings.

So I learned to keep my hair straight; to not go swimming with the other kids because the damage that would occur to my now straight hair. I learned that every three months, no matter where I was, that I had better be getting my roots retraced. My relaxed hair (or creamed hair, as we would say in Jamaica) became a way of life. My college friends and I bonded while doing hair. When ever I moved to a new city – the obsession kicked in – “I must find a hair dresser and one who knows how to deal with my type of hair!” And as I aged, my hair grayed and now I must keep my hair straight and colored – my head had become a chemical time bomb.

Do not get me wrong, I love the relaxed look of hair. I am so proud of my “life sisters” with their beautiful hair styles. Although I have not seen Chris Rock’s movie, “Good Hair”, it did allow the conversations, but my awareness was not because of this movie. As I opened Jackson & Hines and through the selling and being educated on the natural skin care products, I realized I was living a double standard. We must go where our education leads us. As I learned how critical it is for our health and beauty to stay away from skin and body care products that are so full of chemicals- I was not helping myself as I cared for my skin with natural products such as; Dr. Hauschka Skin Care, Éminence Organics or Carol’s Daughter, while I subjected my scalp to a product that was so strong it could actually break down and change the natural structure of my hair follicles.

I have decided to let the excessively curly hair on my head be free and healthy. I have not relaxed my hair for several months and I am enjoying the curls. What a pleasure it is to work out with freedom; to enjoy the exercise and not worry about the hair. What a pleasure it is to put my head back in the tub and allow the warm water to massage my scalp. What a pleasure it is to enjoy a rainy day – inside or out. What a great joy it was to relax and enjoy my Éminence Organics facial the other day and did not have to worry about the hair. What a pleasure it is to be free.

Now I am still not there with the gray thing. As much as I am enjoying aging, I am not ready to go gray. Fortunately I have found a natural solution. Well… I have found a product with natural ingredients that allows me to color my hair with out guilt to my body or the environment. I use either Herbatint or Naturtint to color my hair. Both of these products can be purchased at natural food stores and they both do a wonderful job. They are permanent hair colors, but use ingredients that cover the gray “naturally”. They can be used often – I know someone who uses her color every week with out any damage to her hair. They are truly wonderful products and I applaud the person who came up with these formulas. Now I wish someone would do the same for a relaxer for those with”excessively curly hair”, who would like the freedom to chose to wear their hair straight - a product that straightens hair, but one that is kind to the environment and to our bodies.

Thank you Elena for “Hair today, gone tomorrow”. I am sorry for the message I left to you and Allyson about your hair. You are so beautiful, so wonderful, so glorious and I am so proud that I am your mother and you have my genes - genes for wonderfully, gorgeous, excessively curly hair. And to my children that I acquired a few years – I am also so very proud of you, you are wonderful and glorious too.